So.. its been four or five months since that day happened. January 28 fucked up a lot of shit for me. Took my job, my school, friends, my home and my parents. I heard a lot of people say "If it was me in your situation I dont think Id be able to get out of my bed", or "I admire your strenght". Guess it must have some truth. Most of the sadness is gone, and the anger has died down a bit. I realize for me to truly move on I've been told from a couple of people I need to show some forgiveness to my father for his actions. I still want to know what his thoughts were, "You fucked us over now die and I cant take life anymore" or something more "We lost it all here, time to start a new there". Right now though I also feel out of place, and have thoughts that I wasted my life and time before.. wasnt that person who had the great grades, or the trophies all around, havent even been out on a date with someone.

I'll be moving on, physically at least. Tomorrow I will be out of my brothers house and into my own apartment. Alone at last I guess heh, wasnt planning on doing something like this til next year. Kinda of neat to just get away and worry bout my own shit. Odds are I'll lose contact with the family eventually, one brother for sure. Why? We never really were a family.., before all this happened no one talked to each other, no calls were made, only time we saw each other was during some holiday and even then it was a pain to get people to come together. Now my parents are dead and it'll be the perfect time to do all those cool things rite?!?! Thats what my mom was sad about the most before she died, she upset that we didnt do anything as a whole. : / Pointless to do it now that shes gone.

But anyways new place huzzah, no huzzah for bills though :<

Welp, recently some of you are aware that I had received the job at Gamestop. That’s been going fine and dandy but, I'm having certain problems.

Grief can effect us emotional, from those who wonder why the world is so cruel and are afraid to talk to people to the more serious issues like rape victims and those who deal with tragedy. I spent so much attention the emotion part of my parents passing that I ignored physical aspects. I came from the clinic on Friday and learned that Im a diabetic. I lost 25 pounds since the passing and eating any food at that moment was a hard challenge. That’s why.. I went to the hospital tonight to have certain issues fixed. Diabetic Type 1 most likely. Wewt I can be like Liberty medical dood. Anyways I got to enjoy 6 lovely days in the hospital lying around doing absolutely nothing!

Its like a teeter totter, I was helping myself physically and felt emotionally distraught but seeing as I’m out and about now, all is as well as it can be. Kinda of sucks that I have to now look at something so minor seriously and not enjoy the foods (or the amount) once had. Makes me wonder what other shit can happen this year. : / Ah well, just need to move on and forward like always. Also this proves my theory, anytime I try drawing.. something comes up!

01) First name: Cody

02) Your nickname in dA: >_>;; What can you not see? Its right there!

03) Birthday: August 2 1988 (Wish it could been the 8th)

04) Horoscope sign: ....Think its Leo *googles*

05) Birth town: Ocala, Florida

06) Religion: If god be around, let him show himself. >= |

07) Nationality: *chants* USA USA USA

08) Parents: Gary and Margaret McCosker (see picture in deviations)

09) Do you love them: Mother: Yes Father: Their is no love now, never will be again

10) Brothers or sisters: 2 brothers

11) Do you like the place where you live: Err maybe..

12) Where would you move to live forever?: Hmm maybe Ocala, nice, quiet.

13) Color of your eyes: Blue

14) Height: 6'1

15) Weight: 135

16) What school/grade are you going to: College

17) What marks do you have: None that I know of :3

18) How many piercings do you have, and where are them? None

19) What do you want to be in your life: Unknown we'll let the time tell all

20) Your life: Is on hold, but Im ghost, I cant die, so I choose to rawk on through.

21) Personal quote(s): Dont really have one..

22) Lucky number: 88 of course

23) What are you interested in: video games, certain art stuffz, racing (NOT NASCAR it aint the only racing sport >=/)

24) Good side of your character: People tell me Im strong (emotional)

25) Bad side of it: Got none (lawl we all have bad sides, I needz physical strenght, and too picky/serious some times)

26) Is your life happy: Happy as it can be. :3

27) Do you think that you are crazy: Not

28) What is the time: 2:00am Not so bad right

29) What is the date: April 6th

30) What’s the weather like: Um.. night like

31) Favourite day in a week: Friday

32) Favourite music: Anything that doesnt have shit damn fuck slut within 2 freakin seconds, aka rap, rb whatever it is

33) Singer: Dont got one

34) Band: Same

35) Song: See above x2

36) Best concert you have been: x3

37) Actress: ...x4

38) Manga: x5

39) Film: C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!! Hell really liked Saving Private Ryan and Departed

40) TV serial: Did like The Black Donnellys

41) Theatre play: Hm the one Benju is in xD

42) Film director: Terrintino as well

43) Do you want to be famous: Doesnt everyone want the fame and fortune

44) Do you want to be an actor/actress: Not really, lets do the real thing!

45) Do you want to be a singer: ahahahah no

46) Book: Love You Forever (Mom use to read that one to me a lot)

47) Colors: Blue for win!!!!!

48) Flower: Daisys, and Tulips and Roses and .. er no no Im a man, I crush pretty flowers. *CRUSH SMASH CRASH GRR*

49) Food: Pizza!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 xD

50) Drink: Milk, Fruit Punch,... err water

51) Sweet: Reese's :3

52) Fruit: Whut is fruit

53) The worst food: You know like some bugs eat like shit and stuff, yeah that would be pretty horrible, no?

54) The worst Drink: rawr Beer! rawr

55) The worst Singer: My brother

56) The worst Band: olol rap groups

57) The worst Actor: Possibly me but in my mind god damn Im awesome!! Doing all these cool stunts and I always get the wommenz!

58) The worst Actress: Some girl in high school, think her name was Nicole, anyways yeah she be bad

59) The worst Movie: Dont really see a whole lot. So I dunno

60) The worst book: Book?

61) Do you drink alcohol: No

62) Do you smoke: Hell no

63) Do you take some drugs: >=/ Well I dont drink and smoke so what makes you think I shove needles in me

64) What do you adore to wear: Good old T-Shirt and pants, maybe with the overshirt jacket type.. thingy

65) Do you think you're pretty: Man pretty

66) What languages do you speak: English and gibbirsh

67) The most beautiful person you have ever seen/male: o_O Err skip

68) The most beautiful person you have ever seen/female: Damn Yanceys (the jock family that has endless numbers), so yeah liked the girl in my class group

69) The most beautiful person on dA/male: Skip Geeze >= |

70) The most beautiful person on dA/female: :< I only seen Squints

71) 7 best friends on dA/male: Dont know who all has dA and in no real order I guess but lets see Benju, Dave, Skee, Wolfpup, Fire, Taxi, and Spetz

72) 5 best friends on dA/female: ..I only know Squints !:<

73) The ugliest person on dA/male: Meh no one be ugly from what I seen

74) The ugliest person on dA/female: Dont know

75) The person on dA who you love the most/female: !!:<

76) The person on dA who you love the most/male: Define lurve, if lurve like a brother then Benju, if sexez none

77) The person on dA who you don’t like at all/female: >_>

78) The person on dA who you don’t like at all/male: <_<

79) Are you in love: No ;_;

80) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: ;___; Imma one person train

82) Is he/she from dA (put avatar): (lawl you guys noticed the started of this got off track with numbers) No *continues to sob*

83) When was your Very First Kiss: 5th grade actually o_O

84) How was it: Course seein the time it happened. Icky! xD

85) When was your Very First Sex: I has no sex0rz :<

86) How was it: !!!!:<

87) E-mail addess: theghost8288@hotmail.com

88) Do you have something against gays: No, (Id get mugged by ppretty much the whole VGC population if I said yesh o_O)

89) The best experience in your life: Graduation

90) The worst experience in your life: January 28, 2007, a day that will be forever in the mind

91) When were you the happiest: Crushing my foes!!! RAWR!!!!!

92) Who can make you happiest when he/she tries: Was my mother, now Benju seems to make me smile x3

93) When were you the saddest: Should be a given.

94) Who do you want to go on deserted island with: Someone that can teleport me off the damn place >= |

95) Do you have a secret: Not that I know of.

96) What would you do if you were invisible for one hour: Well do Ghost like things, creep the shit out of people man! Pull jokes and get olol

97) Who do you want to get stuck in a lift with: The guy who didnt eat beans or chili

98) Do you have an idol: heh momma is a good role model to follow, I try hard to have her attitude and spirit.

99) If the world goes to apocalypse, and you can save only one person, who will that be: This... never said that I am safe so fuck you all *goes to hiding* What?! I gotta save myself before I can save others!

I be in the process of lookin for that art class thing, so hopefully more art will be up soon, good art at that. Also how the hell do I get rid of that stupid mood thing >= |

lol 1000 page views lol

lol with me damnit!

Im sure everyone by now is aware of the situation I've been through/going through. My counselor (yeah I caved to see one despite my complaints >.> ) gave me this sheet on what you can do and crap. Figured it was worded all mushy like so Im adjusting it. Most of this really applies to friends and real life but meh Im bored so here. Why? Cause I can tell they just look at me differently.

Speak to me of the obvious - Its okay to use the name of the ones who have died and just speak to me on what has happened. Trust me, I wont freakin die from it.

I dont need "right words" - This here is important, I find my friends always searching for the right things to say and all that bullshit. My parents died. Kay thats it. I didnt freakin die. Some of my friends look at me like some dog got nailed by a car. Wish they'd cut me a break and treat me normal. Yeah Im hurt, who the hell wouldnt be when you lose someone close but like I said, Im not dead, I'll live and move on with my life.

Allow and encourage me to talk bout their loss - Hm.. You know this really shouldnt be here. Trufully, Im getting tired and Im sure everyone else is tired of hearing the bs stories. Think this is where the right words come in, my friends want to try to get me to talk and help and it doesnt. (Told them that several times but : /) Something bothering me I'll come out and say it.

Alright enough of that. Firstly Id like to thank those who helped me once again. Personally Benju and Wolf who I believe listened to the majority of my rants. Supposably this healing process takes months, hell some takes years. I'll shoot for the record of a month or two. Overall a general emotion I feel at the moment is stress with doubt throwin in and physically just tired. Been staying up for ungodly amount of hours which really needs to end.

Trying to draw and such to stop me from being bored. Think its not coming along so well, dont feel as if Im improving at all which leads to another problem. My counselor said their might be like sessions at the college to help people get started but I havent found anything. I just expect to see things done fast and right, drawing takes time to improve but part of my mind says this is retarded I should be doing decent things by now. Have that feeling about the emotions as well, just feel like I should be able to move on with my life already, go to work, to school, get out be me without having any problems.

*shrugs* Well if you know me, Im in for the long haul so heh I'll keep pushing myself. Also.. if this doesnt make sense blame lack of sleep. Im going to try sleeping real soon.