So.. its been four or five months since that day happened. January 28 fucked up a lot of shit for me. Took my job, my school, friends, my home and my parents. I heard a lot of people say "If it was me in your situation I dont think Id be able to get out of my bed", or "I admire your strenght". Guess it must have some truth. Most of the sadness is gone, and the anger has died down a bit. I realize for me to truly move on I've been told from a couple of people I need to show some forgiveness to my father for his actions. I still want to know what his thoughts were, "You fucked us over now die and I cant take life anymore" or something more "We lost it all here, time to start a new there". Right now though I also feel out of place, and have thoughts that I wasted my life and time before.. wasnt that person who had the great grades, or the trophies all around, havent even been out on a date with someone.

I'll be moving on, physically at least. Tomorrow I will be out of my brothers house and into my own apartment. Alone at last I guess heh, wasnt planning on doing something like this til next year. Kinda of neat to just get away and worry bout my own shit. Odds are I'll lose contact with the family eventually, one brother for sure. Why? We never really were a family.., before all this happened no one talked to each other, no calls were made, only time we saw each other was during some holiday and even then it was a pain to get people to come together. Now my parents are dead and it'll be the perfect time to do all those cool things rite?!?! Thats what my mom was sad about the most before she died, she upset that we didnt do anything as a whole. : / Pointless to do it now that shes gone.

But anyways new place huzzah, no huzzah for bills though :<